only help my unbelief


Cold turkey
October 21, 2008, 10:21 pm
Filed under: Posts

I had to perform an intervention yesterday.

On myself.

After two Sundays of feeling like my heart was made of stone despite hearing powerful preaching, I knew it was time to act.

I believe that God changes hearts, and that He pursues us, and that the Holy Spirit is active in our lives.

I also know that James tells us to draw near to God, and He will draw near to us.

By Sunday night, I knew that it was time for me to draw near to God.

I kept thinking about the verse in Matthew where it says that in the last days, the love of many who say they love the Lord will grow cold.

Lord, don’t let my love grow cold.

And so the intervention occurred.

I spent some time Sunday evening downloading numerous sermons from Dr. Ferguson. I went through all the songs on my iPod and removed anything that I considered non-edifying.

(Before you think I’m so spiritual, my iPod only holds 4GB, so I had to delete a lot of songs in order to fit the sermons.)

I tried to wake up a little bit earlier – 15 minutes – Monday morning to read my Bible.

And so yesterday began. They were small things, but the Lord used His Word, and the humility and words of His preachers, and music He has inspired talented people to write to soften my heart, little by little.

This morning I found myself spontaneously bursting into prayer in the middle of a difficult situation. I can’t remember the last time that’s happened.

I’m not where I should be. I’m not even close. And I’m not saying any of you reading need to go delete all your cool 80s music off your iPod.

I’ve listened to five sermons in the past two days, hoping to fill my heart with Scripture and encouragement. I’m so tempted to just turn my iPod off rather than listen to another sermon, but God has been faithful.

He says His Word doesn’t return to Him void. He means it.

I found myself telling a friend going through something heartbreaking that she needed to stay in the Word and pray without ceasing. And then I felt like a complete hypocrite.

I can tell I’m rambling, so I’ll stop. But if you’re struggling with the same thing I am, then don’t waste any more time. Even if it tastes like sawdust to read or listen to the Word, let it be sawdust. God will turn it into bread.

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