only help my unbelief


On blogging
October 14, 2008, 7:24 pm
Filed under: Posts

I’ve kind of surprised myself at how much blogging I’ve done since I started working, but the more I think about it, I’m realizing why.

My job is really, really great. The people are wonderful, my hours are very flexible in that I can take shorter lunches and leave early, and I have lots to do there.

But it’s not exactly stretching my mind. This is the first time that’s been the case in, well, forever. As difficult as school sometimes was, I really loved being in school. I’m not some sort of genius that has to have constant mental stimulation, but I do enjoy a challenge. Blogging is a challenge. Can I come up with things to write about? Will anyone read it?

I’ve become more and more entrenched in the little communities I’m part of online. Even though I don’t have thousands of readers, there are people whom I know in real life who read my blog, and I feel my relationships with those people are strengthened by me blogging. I really love that. I love feeling like I ‘know’ the people whose blogs I read. I know I don’t really know them. I know that it’s not the same as being with someone in person. But there’s something special about it.

I’m not exactly the most outgoing person, either. In crowds of people, I feel like I’m drowning. Even in smaller groups, I’m often scared to say what I’m really thinking or to really ‘be myself.’ That’s partly pride, partly insecurity and partly the way God has made me. He’s teaching me how to be more social, but I think there will always be a part of me that revels in the freedom blogging gives me.

I’ll be honest. Sometimes I write something and someone will bring it up later in person, and it’s really weird. I forget that they actually read what I write, and I’m content to leave it online. But I am a real, flesh-and-blood person, and what I write on my blog is how I’m feeling in reality.

I used to not want to admit that I prefer ‘being myself’ online than in person. But I don’t necessarily think it’s a bad thing, as long as I’m willing to live with the consequences. I’m not ashamed of the things I write, and I hope God uses my words to glorify Himself.

I mean, seriously. I met my boyfriend online. That will forever be my legacy, and I can’t really get rid of it. Instead of pretending like it didn’t happen, I’d rather embrace it and praise God for blogging, because it lets me stretch my mind, be encouraged by others and, you know, meet my future husband.

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