only help my unbelief

Reflections at the end of the work week
October 3, 2008, 7:42 pm
Filed under: Posts

I joked on Twitter last weekend that I was sure my blogging would suffer from having a job.

I was mostly right. It didn’t completely suffer – I’ve somehow managed to post every day on my other blog, but this one has fallen by the wayside. The funny thing is, this blog is much less stressful to write for. And maybe that’s the problem.

By nature, I work best under pressure. However, sometimes there just isn’t pressure to do something. So I create it. For example, I have told myself I must blog Monday-Saturday at brown eyed basics. Why? I don’t know. I just want to. But I’ve convinced myself that I have to, and so every day I think of things to write about.

Here, though, I’m trying to ease that burden. I’ve told myself I’d like to post four times a week, but I don’t have to. Apparently that’s not rigid enough, because my posts this week have been very brief and very rare.

And yet, this is, I think, the way life is meant to be lived. Not fully planned. Monday morning I had been planning to go to boot camp, but I reset the alarm. Tuesday I planned to stay home and chill, but instead I went to RUF and had a wonderful time. Last week I thought that this week would be another week of looking for a job, but I just finished a successful 40-hour work week, by the grace of God.

I was really upset about missing boot camp twice this week, but it took me a while to figure out why. After a lot of thought, I realized I’m a perfectionist.

Just kidding. Not about being a perfectionist, but about just now realizing it. I knew that years ago. But sometimes I forget and I have to remind myself by how crazy I am. I wanted boot camp to end, knowing that I’d gone every single time. Not even to brag. Just to be perfect.

But I’m not perfect. I don’t always sleep well. Sometimes I stay out too late. And sometimes I just don’t want to go. For some, that’s an excuse to be lazy. For me, most of the time, that’s an excuse to practice freedom in Christ.

And that’s what I’m learning these days. Freedom in Christ means knowing that I am fully justified by His blood, not by works of righteousness that I can do or have done or want to do. Those are just filthy rags.

As Red Mountain Church says in one of my current favorite songs, “Jesus whispers this sweet sentence: ‘Son, thy sins are all forgiven’; faith He gives us to believe, hearing ears and seeing eyes.”

I need to remember that sweet sentence more often.


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Comment by iwanmalik

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