only help my unbelief

The fine line between excitement and terror
July 24, 2008, 1:00 am
Filed under: Posts

It’s that time of year when, for the last eight years, I’ve looked forward to the coming fall.

By the end of July, I’m close to being well-stocked with pencils, paper, notebooks, post-its. I’ve ordered my books. I’ve printed out my schedule.

Well, except for that one semester when I went off to campus and started walking toward the humanities building, only to realize I had no idea where my class was held. And yet I walked as if I knew where I was going. Good to be confident, I suppose.

But this year is different. My name isn’t on any class rosters. In fact, in a little more than two weeks, it won’t even be on an employee payroll, barring a very quick miracle from the Lord.

Today, for the first time, I felt excited. Anything can happen on the 10th of August. I might hear about an awesome job opportunity. Maybe Craigslist will finally help me out. And God is capable of all things, so there’s no need to worry. Best of all, I have a lot of freedom, and that’s exciting.

The excitement lasted for about four seconds before it quickly morphed into full-fledged terror.

I don’t have a job after August 9. I don’t even have a job prospect, besides full-time cook and laundress for my family (which would be nice, except I still have some bills to pay, and I don’t think my dad is willing to give me $300/month to iron his clothes and bake him homemade bread. I mean, my mom does it for free.).

It’s not exactly the after-college life I envisioned.

But even though the emotional rollercoaster keeps doing loop-de-loops, I seem to be gifted with an uncanny amount of peace.

Not that I have a lot of other options.

Which, I guess, was His plan all along.


3 Comments so far
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Well, regardless of what happens on August 10, you still have your Sunday job…and it pays you with love from lots of toddlers! Just how many toddlers will fit on your lap THIS Sunday?! Have you checked out the State job op web page? I think! See you Sunday.

Comment by Lee would be the correct address!

Comment by Lee

I hope I can fit them ALL on my lap, so I can give them love before Mrs. Grice takes them all away to the bigger class… sigh.

Thanks for the recommendation for jobs.. I’ll check it out!

Comment by chelseykarns

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