only help my unbelief

Jesus is unconditionally committed to me
June 26, 2007, 11:22 pm
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The gospel gives you psychological freedom to handle the wrong things that you will do. You won’t have to deny, spin, or repress the truth about yourself. These things don’t make it impossible to know who you are. Only with the support of hearing Jesus say, ‘You are capable of terrible things, but I am absolutely, unconditionally committed to you,’ will you be able to be honest with yourself. – Tim Keller

I found this quote in an article on one of the blogs I read, and I starred the article to save for later because what Keller says here resonates with me so well. I have a serious psychological problem handling the wrong things that I’ve done or that I’m afraid of doing. There are things I say that are unkind. There are things I do that are unnecessary. There are things I don’t do that were needful at the time. And I am constantly thinking thoughts that should never enter into my head.

And in order to handle myself, if I forget about Jesus, my only option is to pretend that I didn’t really do or say those things, because the truth is too great to bear. And so I ignore the sin in my life, and I become someone whom I am not. I know longer know who I am anymore.

Last night in an email to Christian I told him that sometimes it’s hard for me to pray to God when I’m really hurting, because I know that when God begins to deal with my heart He will get all the way to the deepest part, and that might hurt more than anything else. But it is only through that immense pain of God dealing with us that we can have pure hearts; it is only when Christ scrapes away all the filth that we are clean.

And Jesus can honestly say that we are capable of terrible things. Some of us do those terrible things. But in light of His grace and knowing that He is unconditionally committed to us, we have the freedom to see our sin for what it is. And what it is is something that does not have victory over us.

Praise the Lord.


Jesus, the sweetest Name I know
June 26, 2007, 12:05 am
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There are tears that fall that seem to form in the depths of your soul, and by the time they emerge from your eyes they are big as bowling balls, and make it all the way down the collar of your shirt before they dissolve, carrying little pieces of your heart with them.

I find myself constantly let down because of the expectations I put on other people. As the hymnwriter says, “Human hearts and looks deceive me,” and he goes on to say, “Thou art not like them untrue.”

Sometimes it feels like I’ve been given a cross that is far too heavy for me to bear, but then I wonder if maybe that means I’m either carrying the wrong cross, or that I’m not really expected to carry it alone in the first place.


He is the Name above all names, and it is the sweetest Name I know. And right now I want to grab onto Him as tightly as I can and never let go.

“God Is Here!”
June 24, 2007, 6:58 pm
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I visited First Presbyterian Church of Columbia this morning for the first time in a long time. This was what the choir sang during the offertory.

“God is here! As we your people

Meet to offer praise and prayer,

May we find in fuller measure

What it is in Christ we share.

Here, as in the world around us,

All our varied skills and arts

Wait the coming of the Spirit

Into open minds and hearts.

Here are symbols to remind us

Of our lifelong need of grace;

Here are table, font and pulpit;

Here the cross has central place.

Here in honesty of preaching,

Here in silence as in speech,

Here in newness and renewal

God the Spirit comes to each.

Here our children find a welcome

In the Shepherd’s flock and fold,

Here, as bread and wine are taken,

Christ sustains us as of old.

Here the servants of the Servant

Seek in worship to explore

What it means in daily living

To believe and to adore.

Lord, of all, of Church and Kingdom

In an age of change and doubt,

Keep us faithful to the gospel,

Help us work your purpose out.

Here, in this day’s dedication,

All we have to give, receive;

We who cannot live without you,

We adore you! We believe!”

A Fresh Start
June 23, 2007, 9:28 pm
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I previously had a blog on Xanga, but have decided to move off of there in an attempt to become more of an adult and establish myself in the blogosphere. Not sure yet where this will go, but I’m looking forward to finding out.

happy on the bus